I wish we could talk

When sentiments run high and misunderstanding abound

When anger seeps in and frustrations pull me down

When love seems lost and there is no answer to be found

I wish we could talk

When you don’t seem to understand and niether do I

When expectations in the air make it difficult to breathe

When the easiest way out is to leave

I wish we could talk

When egos clash and the past blinds

When small remarks hurt like pine 

When we both want to stop, but keep going on

I wish we could talk

I walk alone, wishing you were there

I move on, step by step, don’t know where

I chose to be silent 

When all I ever wanted to do is talk.

Change starts at Home

I never intended my blog to be something talking about social issues only. However, given the events in the recent past and the sentiments surrounding them, I end up writing about these myself. 

Another brutal crime, this time much closer to home and we have shock, anger, frustration coming out in all public forums. From blaming men, to blaming the country legal systems, we the intelligent beings will try and assign the blame to everyone but ourselves. We have answers for what our leaders should do, what the men should do, but we never question what we do ourselves. 

Men are not born in a different world than us women. In fact, we the women, are the bearers for both sons and daughters alike. We are the ones who hold them to our hearts and impart values and behaviors to both. Yes, society also plays a role, but it is not larger than what values we teach at home to our children, from their tender age. How do these values manifest into heinous crimes like the Delhi rape case? Here are some examples:

  • There are millions of women who tolerate physical abuse and disrespect at home in front of their children. When behavior like this is common and accepted within the closed walls of the house, why should it not be outside?
  • There are millions other, who themselves categorically differentiate between a male and a female child, always teaching the male that he is in some way superior. Do we expect this male child to treat women with respect and care when he grows up?

Aren’t these behaviors equally shocking? Why are these tolerated? Aren’t these sowing the seeds for crimes like we have just witnessed?

No problem in this world comes to be, without having its seeds within the roots of our very own society. Laws and police will only serve as a temporary fix. If we really want to resolve the problem, think about how each one of us is contributing to the problem in our small, ignorant ways. If we cannot change our behaviors to make the corrections within the realms of our own households, we have no right to blame others for the same.

Is Gun Control the Answer?

While the world is trying hard to overcome the shock from the death of innocent kindergarten kids last week, there are many who are proposing answers, solutions to what could have stopped this. Most people feel that it is high time gun control laws are put in place in America. 

Guns are just the tools used to execute the crime. Everyone who has a gun does not want to shoot down innocent lives. Most people want to own a gun because they are scared and want to protect themselves. Yes, having a gun, makes it easier to execute a crime, but the intent to commit the crime has to be there in the first place. The deeper, bigger, scarier problem, therefore, is the existence of the intent to execute such crimes. 

Incidents like this happen, not because, someone owned a gun, but because he/she was so confused, so angry and so alone. They also happen because we as a society, are so busy in our self fulfilling lives that we fail to see the signs, fail to put the controls, and fail to create the right value systems for our children. 

The sad fact also is that most of these crimes are happening in the country which has been the role model for the rest of the nations for human rights, freedom, opportunity and governance. Most of you will admit, that our generation, while in our adolescence, dreamt of stepping foot in this land. We imitated their culture in every way we possibly could. Many of us still fight over meager resources to study and save to go study and work in this country.

What happened to turn the land of dreams into the land of crime? I hope we the educated, aware, connected generation is sensitive to the fact that this can happen in any country, any neighborhood – guns or without guns. This is not a problem of one nation anymore, but a problem for mankind, because we copied that one nation in everything that we did. Let us not solve the problem by just taking away the tool, but by understanding the darker shades of our societies culture and values or rather the lack of them.

Would God Barter?

I had the misfortune of watching one of the latest Bollywood flicks sometime back and since then this question has been on my mind – Would God barter? Those who have watched the movie, will understand which one I am referring to, and those who haven’t, you are blessed. Please don’t ever go to watch it. 

When we ask God to give us something, do we honestly think that God needs something in return from us? There are couple of assumptions we make, if we believe this to be true –

1. First, that there is a God who is powerful enough to grant any wish.

2. Yet, this God needs us to give up something very close to us in order to  grant our wish.

3. Lastly, we as humans are weak and incapable of getting what we want, on our own.

To me, none of the above seem logical to be true. Before you think that I am an atheist and don’t believe in God, let me clarify that I do, deeply believe in God. But my God, will never pain me to test me. My God, will never take something from me before he provides for me. My God believes in me, like I believe in myself. My God, has abundance of everything and he showers all that upon me. All I need to do is believe He exists not in places which are difficult to reach, but within me, around me – in the smallest grains and the largest mountains. My God doesn’t give me what I want, He shows me the way, provided I am willing to talk to Him with an open mind and heart. 

Yet, I understand the sentiments of those who believe God needs favors from us. I was too, not so long ago, trying to please God through gifts, sweets, money and things I loved the most. I think, I was fortunate enough to realize God wouldn’t be God if He needed us to sustain Himself. Why try and barter with God – when everything is made up of Him, comes from Him and goes back to Him as it is.

Self Protection

As we see the world changing around us we constantly put up measures to protect us and our loved ones from physical harm. We build stronger walls around us, put bigger locks on these walls and try and learn some basics of self defense. My daughter goes for Takewondo classes regularly. For her it is a sport, for me it is future protection for her and hopefully myself.

In spite of all this, we still never feel secure enough. As I step outside for a walk, I am constantly wary about anyone passing too close to me. Sometimes, in spite of all my defense mechanisms, I have been subject to bad behavior on the roads.   Initially, it stopped me from going far but then one day, I stopped to think – what was I afraid of? What could someone possibly achieve by passing a lurid comment or slapping my bottom and running away. They cannot physically harm me in broad daylight amidst 10 other common folks on the road. Yet, I was still scared – why?

One day, I found the answer. Behavior like this does not harm us physically as much as it harms us internally. When someone calls me names, I am in no way hurt physically, but I am hurt much deeper. It hurts the soul and scars it.  But then, no one can touch our soul – it is so deep inside us. How can it get hurt, unless we allow someone to get inside us and touch it? Our soul gets hurt not because someone said or did something bad. Our soul gets hurt because we allowed that someone to get inside of us and hurt us. 

While we constantly work on protecting ourselves physically, we let our soul be open to getting hurt from small remarks, visual obscenities, and physical encounters. I am in no way advocating for those who subject others to such behavior. It is in no way justified and it needs to be punished. At the same time, I believe, the answer to protecting oneself does not lie only in physically guarding your body. The scars on the body heal much faster than the scars on the soul. The good news however is, that no one can hurt the soul, unless we let them.

The million dollar question that I still have is – While I know how to protect my soul, how do I teach it to my child, for whom the world still consists of fairies and princesses and everyone is a friend unless proven to be an enemy.