Junior Mommy

Toyna, Yog and Mamma

After putting Yog to sleep yesterday night, I stepped out for a while to run an important errand. When I returned 10 minutes later, I was greeted with loud, inconsolable cries of Yog. As I rushed to his room, I almost ran into Toyna, carrying Yog in her arms and trying to calm him down (with little success). I quickly took over and Yog was sleeping soundly again in no time.

In the background, Toyna quietly retreated to her room. I sensed something was wrong and joined her there with Yog still sleeping in my arms. As I sat on the bed beside her, in the dark, I thought I heard a stifled sob. I asked if she was OK and she said “I am fine, I just have a blocked nose.” With that she loudly blew her nose, as if to prove that she indeed had a blocked nose.

She slept off after a while, but I sat there much longer, my heart going out for her. Such a small soul, trying to step into my shoes for Yog; deeply hurt cause she had failed; but still strong enough to put a brave front before me. God bless Yog’s Junior Mommy!

 

P.S. – Backdated story from a time when Yog was six (months) and Toyna 8 years old.

Wash Time

dysney

When our little ones were actually small

We used to wash their hands, for they were not as tall

But now that they can stand and lean on top of a stool

They manage to wash themselves

All we need to now wash is the soap bottle, the sink and the wall

Control of Life

snowman

For those who believe in God, do you agree that God has already done His part? Isn’t it time we let him focus on other strategic areas and we take control of something as small as our own lives.

Game of Chess with a Heart

Dont cry my sister

Story from when Toyna started learning chess about 3 years ago –

Toyna and me started playing Chess. I explained to her how each character moves and we were off killing each other left right and centre. My Minister moves forward bravely towards her Queen and was all set to kill her in the next move. Toyna spotted this and got worried. She instantly moved her King in front of the Queen and said “You have to kill me before you get to my Queen!!” I literally died laughing!!

I wish the creators of this game were as chivalrous as Toyna!

8th February

Wedding

13 years ago on the day of 8th February, Pavan and I, both of us a little too young, a little too tired and sleepy, smashed lumps of jaggery concoction on each others heads, accepting each other as our partners for life. I remember that day as a heady mix of mantras, sarees, jewelry and confusion.

We never really went for a formal honeymoon, but life from there on just seemed like a never ending honeymoon. Days following the marriage, we couldn’t stay away from each other for more than 30 minutes in a day. The fact that we both worked in the same organisation made it easy for us to be together. If someone was to even suggest that we spend a day without each other, I would get tears in my eyes. I used to look at older siblings and their relationships with their spouses and wonder how they could live without their love being around them, all the time. In those days, I was naive enough to think that the spouses who could stay physically far from each other, did not love each other enough. They ought to learn a thing or two about love from Pavan and me. 🙂

By the time we reached our First Anniversary, the honeymoon was over. 8th Feb 2004, I was in London 7717 kms away from Pavan. In those days, we did not have Whatsapp, Viber, or Facetime, because both of us did not even have a mobile phone. I would have of course called Pavan on a LAN line phone, except for the fact that I was travelling within UK that day. By the time I got access to a Pay Phone, Pavan was not at home. When he reached back home, I could not access a Pay phone. In summary, we did not manage to speak/see/hug/gift each other on our very special day. More so, being in a foreign land among strangers, no one wished me on my special day either. I was heartbroken. I sulked, cried and felt like taking the first flight back to be with Pavan. But I couldn’t. Job commitments and financial constraints forced me do the brave thing. So Yes, by our first anniversary, I was slowly coming out of the
“Happily Ever After” fairy tale and was being forced to come to terms with reality.

8th Feb 2005, I was eight months pregnant with Toyna. Pavan and me had shifted to a one bedroom apartment close to office because I was not able to cope with the travel to work each day. Pavan had his MBA exam the next day and he was late coming home from his MBA classes. I slowly wobbled to the market, on my own, with a stiff back and aching legs. I bought two red roses and hid them behind his pillow as the Anniversary gift. That was the first anniversary, we slept together, his arms hugging my round belly.

8th Feb 2006, Toyna was 10 months old. I don’t remember how we spent the anniversary. Most probably, it went somewhere in between dirty diapers, milk bottles or doctor visits.

8th Feb 2007 – no memory

8th Feb 2008 – no memory

8th Feb 2009 – no memory

8th Feb 2010 – no memory

8th Feb 2011 – no memory

8th Feb 2012 – no memory

8th Feb 2013 – Wow! It had been ten years that we have been married. Plus, I am again 6 months pregnant with our second one. We went to a small resort near home to celebrate 10 years of surviving each other.

8th Feb 2014 – no memory, maybe Pavan was travelling at of station at that time.

8th Feb 2015 – no memory, no memory, maybe Pavan was travelling internationally at that time.

8th Feb 2016 – I did not even remember that our Anniversary was coming up. Those who commented, “Awwww! You won’t be together on your anniversary!” got only a smile from my side. I admit, 10 years ago, I would have been a nervous wreck on this day, if Pavan was not by my side.

Looking back, I can’t help but marvel how much, Pavan and me, have grown as individuals, over the years. I can’t help but laugh at the newly wed me, who wanted Pavan by her side 24 * 7.  I can’t help but thank God for giving me sense to say “Yes, I do!” to Pavan.

Looking forward, I don’t see we being happily married for many more years to come. I just see both of us being bestest friends till death does us apart (Toyna is now my new Best Friend, so Pavan had to be promoted to “Bestest”). We have given so much love to each other that we don’t need each other to complete us physically, emotionally or spiritually anymore. We are happy to have helped each other feel complete on their own. Perhaps, this is the best gift Pavan could have given me on our first or last anniversary.

Cheers to us.. till death does us physically apart!

Success, the root cause behind Failure

Home Sweet Home

Since the last few years, I have been harboring a dream. A dream which defines a purpose for my life. As I go to bed each night, I vow to take out time for my dream the next day. I promise to prioritize it above everything else. I promise to make it work, no matter what the odds are. The next morning chaos of breakfast, lunch boxes and exam revisions seamlessly intertwines with the chaos of meetings, phone calls and approvals by the evening. Was there an afternoon in between, I don’t seem to have noticed? As I step down from office at 7 PM, I curse myself for not living my dream for another day. Soon it is time for dinner, bedtime stories, tucking little ones to sleep and repeating yesterday’s promise in my heart again. Next morning comes and goes. Before I know it, I am sitting on the bed waiting for the children to sleep, cursing myself for breaking my promise again.

A few days back, tired of cursing myself every night, I decided to try something different. I decided to analyse what was it that I was doing wrong. What was the reason that stops people, like me, to take out time for the one thing that we are most passionate about; the one thing which defines us? What makes us fail to achieve the most important goal of our lives? I had thought it would take me years to discover the answer to such a question. But to my surprise, the answer hit me instantly like a cold slap on my face. It was as if the answer was all along waiting beside me, just waiting for me to just ask the question.

The reason behind my failure to achieve my coveted goal was none other than my success with the current life that I possessed. It was this feeling of being accomplished that gave me a false sense of happiness and security. I was not ecstatic about my job but I was happy enough not to risk giving it up, in order to follow my own dream. I was loved, respected, financially secure and independent in my job. Deep down, I knew my dream could not assure me even one of those in the starting years. Why should I bother risking everything I already had in order to pursue a dream that was not even real, till now. If only, I hated my work, I would have had a strong reason to build my individual dream. If only, I had a loathly husband, I would have been hell bent to craft an independent career for myself.

If only I was not so successful at my short term tasks, I would have been more focused on my long term goal.

If only….

Spirituality

Tiger

We all know that Humans are just another specie in the animal world. It is commonly believed that it is Intellect that differentiate us from animals. I disagree. I have seen many intellectual humans behave worse than animals.

What truly differentiates humans from the other animals is the level of spirituality humans are capable of.