Do you Blame Life

Some days life throws shit at us and we let that shit stink our clothes, body and souls.

And then, there are days when life throws shit at us. We not only neatly catch it, but we also make dung cakes, package them and sell them at 100% profitability to those whom life has not gifted as much shit.

Given these two scenarios, can we blame life in any way?

First published on Facebook on October 25, 2014.

Why some Questions don’t have Answers

These days, the most common word ringing in our small household is “Why?” Why is it summer? Why is it cold? Why is it dinner time? Why do we need sleep? Why did Akka pinch me? Why do we have to wear uniform to school? Why don’t you wear uniform to office? Why am I growing big? Why am I not growing big faster? Why does the Sun have to go to California? Why did you cook Lauki for dinner? Why did Papa got to Egypt? Why didn’t we go to Paris? Why, Why, Why…

Honestly, even though I love questions from four year old Yog, it is time taking and nerve racking to answer all his questions with patience. And then, there are some questions that I don’t even have answers to:

  • Why Bamma (Grandmother) died?
  • Why did my hand come in the door? (resulting in 2 smashed fingers, 6 stitches and 6 weeks of bandage)

This is how I attempt to answer, but my answers have a tendency to run in the grey leaving my words choked up in my throat.

Why Bamma died? Because she was not keeping well

Why was she not keeping well? Because she got an infection

Why did she get an infection? Because she had an operation

Why did she get an operation? Because she was not keeping well

Why was she not keeping well? Because sometimes we fall sick

Why do we fall sick? (I wish I could say that we fall sick because we don’t take care of our body. But God knows how much care Bamma took of not only herself but all of us. So why did she fall sick? This is where I run out of answers.)

So I say, “Sometimes things happen that Mama cannot explain”

Why Mama, why can’t you explain?

 

Why did my hand come in the door? Because you kept your hand in the door and someone closed it

Why did someone close it? Because they did not know that your hand was there

Why did they not know? I was crying and calling to open the door. Why they did not hear me? Because the door was very thick. They couldn’t hear you

Why was the door so thick? Some doors are thick and some doors are thin. I am not sure I can explain any better

Why Mama, why can’t you explain any better?

 

Yesterday, after a long day of work, I did not have the mental energy to fend Yogs’ stream of questions. So I delegated the task to Siri for the first time. Yog was super happy to talk to Siri. I was relieved to sit in silence for some time and listen to their immensely funny conversation. To start with, they discussed time, weather, and Egypt. Soon Yog came to the million dollar question, “Why did my hand come in the door?” Siri politely said, “I don’t think I have the abilities to answer this question.” Yog promptly replied, “Why don’t you have the atities to answer this question?” Siri said, “I am sorry Yog!”. With that Siri shut itself down and hid in the deep dark blackness of my phone.

For a split second, I was happy to know that I was not the only one not able to answer Yogs questions. But the happiness was soon taken over by melancholy. Honestly, I, myself am struggling to accept the answer to these questions and therefore, don’t have the courage to explain the answers to Yog, at least not yet. The silver lining is that while I am almost to the point of tears each time I think of these questions, Yog is not emotionally attached to these questions. For him, these are just questions that need to be answered. As soon as,  someone can answer them for him, he will be freed from these questions and will happily move on to his next set of questions.

It took me 20 years to cross 100KMs

I have been driving for more than 20 years but I have never driven more than 100 KMs in a day, ever before. Yeah! It takes time to sink in. TWENTY Years!!! Wow! Not even 100 KMs! OMG!

I never crossed this number before because I simply didn’t care about this number before. My reason for driving was independence and mobility. I never cared about the digits on the speedometer or the odometer (yes! I had to google it to know what it is called!). I also have a loving, protective, caring and dominating husband who never let me sit behind the driving wheel whenever he was along. Honestly, I never cared to, either. I always had my hands full with kids in the back seat who needed nappy changes, snacks, milk bottles or simply my hand to hold for the majority of the drive. Years sped by like this. Before I knew it, I developed a sense of identification with the passenger seat. I automatically sat into it even when I didn’t have to. My sense of identification was so strong that when someone asked me if I could play the Driver role for a 300 km mountain ride, I chickened out. This was the first time I realized I was scared shit of driving long distance. I never had. I thought I never could. I almost believed I never wanted to.

My inability to pick this role caused a few minor hiccups in the plan. I felt embarrassed. This incident got me thinking. Why did I believe that I couldn’t drive 300KM on mountain terrain? By then, I had 18 years of driving experience and no accidents on my record. I knew I was an experienced and safe driver. I decided that I would not let anything in the world to make me believe otherwise. I decided I will not remain satisfied being “A Passenger”. It is, after all, such a silly tag to carry with me, to my grave.

So I resolved to overcome my fear of driving long distances. I started few hours at a time and eventually came to a day where I achieved the goal that I had set for myself not 100 KMs but 300 KMs in one day.

I know it is a “No Big Deal” for those who have been driving long distance for years. But for me, it is a very big deal because it defines my latest attitude towards life. This achievement reminds me of a promise I have made to myself – I will never be scared of trying something that I have never done before. I have also promised myself not to be associated with comfortable tags like “Passenger” and challenge myself to higher roles.

This is my small achievement and it cannot be complete without thanking the people responsible for making it happen: Below is my list of Thank You’s:

  1. Thank you Toyna – My lovely daughter who constantly gave me company in the front passenger seat, feeding me and playing just the right music to keep me focused
  2. Thank you Yog – My notorious son, who for the first time in his life, sat comfortably in his car seat without demanding to sit in my lap
  3. Thank you Nanna – My doting Father-in-Law who trusted me with his car (and his life)
  4. Thank you Pavan – My protective husband, for choosing to be absent in this drive 😊

Closing Note to all dear Husbands – I understand that by choosing to be in the driver seat, your intent is to bear the load and protect your family. But honestly, the only way to protect anyone in the long term, is to make them capable enough so that they don’t need you by their side. I had no reason to be scared of driving long distance. But I was, just because I was never exposed to it. The next time you travel, encourage your wife to steer the car. While you are sitting in the passenger seat, reach back to hold your child’s hand and play some games with them. I am sure, you will sleep happier knowing that your wife can steer the car well in your absence. Believe me, your wife will sleep happier knowing that your kids will feel safe and happy, even in a long drive, in her absence. Cheers to many more long drives together!