Shilpa Roy Kota

Game of Chess with a Heart

18th Feb 2016

Story from when Toyna started learning chess about 3 years ago –

Toyna and me started playing Chess. I explained to her how each character moves and we were off killing each other left right and centre. My Minister moves forward bravely towards her Queen and was all set to kill her in the next move. Toyna spotted this and got worried. She instantly moved her King in front of the Queen and said “You have to kill me before you get to my Queen!!” I literally died laughing!!

I wish the creators of this game were as chivalrous as Toyna!
8th February

8th Feb 2016

13 years ago on the day of 8th February, Pavan and I, both of us a little too young, a little too tired and sleepy, smashed lumps of jaggery concoction on each others heads, accepting each other as our partners for life. I remember that day as a heady mix of mantras, sarees, jewelry and confusion.

We never really went for a formal honeymoon, but life from there on just seemed like a never ending honeymoon. Days following the marriage, we couldn’t stay away from each other for more than 30 minutes in a day. The fact that we both worked in the same organisation made it easy for us to be together. If someone was to even suggest that we spend a day without each other, I would get tears in my eyes. I used to look at older siblings and their relationships with their spouses and wonder how they could live without their love being around them, all the time. In those days, I was naive enough to think that the spouses who could stay physically far from each other, did not love each other enough. They ought to learn a thing or two about love from Pavan and me. 🙂

By the time we reached our First Anniversary, the honeymoon was over. 8th Feb 2004, I was in London 7717 kms away from Pavan. In those days, we did not have Whatsapp, Viber, or Facetime, because both of us did not even have a mobile phone. I would have of course called Pavan on a LAN line phone, except for the fact that I was travelling within UK that day. By the time I got access to a Pay Phone, Pavan was not at home. When he reached back home, I could not access a Pay phone. In summary, we did not manage to speak/see/hug/gift each other on our very special day. More so, being in a foreign land among strangers, no one wished me on my special day either. I was heartbroken. I sulked, cried and felt like taking the first flight back to be with Pavan. But I couldn’t. Job commitments and financial constraints forced me do the brave thing. So Yes, by our first anniversary, I was slowly coming out of the
“Happily Ever After” fairy tale and was being forced to come to terms with reality.

8th Feb 2005, I was eight months pregnant with Toyna. Pavan and me had shifted to a one bedroom apartment close to office because I was not able to cope with the travel to work each day. Pavan had his MBA exam the next day and he was late coming home from his MBA classes. I slowly wobbled to the market, on my own, with a stiff back and aching legs. I bought two red roses and hid them behind his pillow as the Anniversary gift. That was the first anniversary, we slept together, his arms hugging my round belly.

8th Feb 2006, Toyna was 10 months old. I don’t remember how we spent the anniversary. Most probably, it went somewhere in between dirty diapers, milk bottles or doctor visits.

8th Feb 2007 – no memory

8th Feb 2008 – no memory

8th Feb 2009 – no memory

8th Feb 2010 – no memory

8th Feb 2011 – no memory

8th Feb 2012 – no memory

8th Feb 2013 – Wow! It had been ten years that we have been married. Plus, I am again 6 months pregnant with our second one. We went to a small resort near home to celebrate 10 years of surviving each other.

8th Feb 2014 – no memory, maybe Pavan was travelling at of station at that time.

8th Feb 2015 – no memory, no memory, maybe Pavan was travelling internationally at that time.

8th Feb 2016 – I did not even remember that our Anniversary was coming up. Those who commented, “Awwww! You won’t be together on your anniversary!” got only a smile from my side. I admit, 10 years ago, I would have been a nervous wreck on this day, if Pavan was not by my side.

Looking back, I can’t help but marvel how much, Pavan and me, have grown as individuals, over the years. I can’t help but laugh at the newly wed me, who wanted Pavan by her side 24 * 7. I can’t help but thank God for giving me sense to say “Yes, I do!” to Pavan.

Looking forward, I don’t see we being happily married for many more years to come. I just see both of us being bestest friends till death does us apart (Toyna is now my new Best Friend, so Pavan had to be promoted to “Bestest”). We have given so much love to each other that we don’t need each other to complete us physically, emotionally or spiritually anymore. We are happy to have helped each other feel complete on their own. Perhaps, this is the best gift Pavan could have given me on our first or last anniversary.

Cheers to us.. till death does us physically apart!
Success, the root cause behind Failure

3rd Feb 2016

Since the last few years, I have been harboring a dream. A dream which defines a purpose for my life. As I go to bed each night, I vow to take out time for my dream the next day. I promise to prioritize it above everything else. I promise to make it work, no matter what the odds are. The next morning chaos of breakfast, lunch boxes and exam revisions seamlessly intertwines with the chaos of meetings, phone calls and approvals by the evening. Was there an afternoon in between, I don’t seem to have noticed? As I step down from office at 7 PM, I curse myself for not living my dream for another day. Soon it is time for dinner, bedtime stories, tucking little ones to sleep and repeating yesterday’s promise in my heart again. Next morning comes and goes. Before I know it, I am sitting on the bed waiting for the children to sleep, cursing myself for breaking my promise again.

A few days back, tired of cursing myself every night, I decided to try something different. I decided to analyse what was it that I was doing wrong. What was the reason that stops people, like me, to take out time for the one thing that we are most passionate about; the one thing which defines us? What makes us fail to achieve the most important goal of our lives? I had thought it would take me years to discover the answer to such a question. But to my surprise, the answer hit me instantly like a cold slap on my face. It was as if the answer was all along waiting beside me, just waiting for me to just ask the question.

The reason behind my failure to achieve my coveted goal was none other than my success with the current life that I possessed. It was this feeling of being accomplished that gave me a false sense of happiness and security. I was not ecstatic about my job but I was happy enough not to risk giving it up, in order to follow my own dream. I was loved, respected, financially secure and independent in my job. Deep down, I knew my dream could not assure me even one of those in the starting years. Why should I bother risking everything I already had in order to pursue a dream that was not even real, till now. If only, I hated my work, I would have had a strong reason to build my individual dream. If only, I had a loathly husband, I would have been hell bent to craft an independent career for myself.

If only I was not so successful at my short term tasks, I would have been more focused on my long term goal.

If only….
Spirituality

1st Feb 2016

We all know that Humans are just another specie in the animal world. It is commonly believed that it is Intellect that differentiate us from animals. I disagree. I have seen many intellectual humans behave worse than animals.

What truly differentiates humans from the other animals is the level of spirituality humans are capable of.
Ladies in Charge

21st Jan 2016

I happened to answer the office LAN Line number and was greeted by an overconfident female Sales Representative of an Insurance Company. She introduced herself quickly and immediately requested for her to be connected to “Sir“. I was confused.

I checked, “May I know who you need to speak to?”

She responded, “The Manager in Charge please.”

I responded, “Well! I am a Lady and I am the Manager in Charge”

Silence for 2 seconds.

She fumbled a little thereafter but managed to explain the requirement and I connected her to our Admin department.

I couldn’t help but muse that even in today’s world, the underlying assumption is that it is ultimately men who are in charge of management at large establishments. It pained me more because the assumption was made by a Lady Professional herself.

I guess Women in India need to lead many more successful organizations before this mindset will start to change.
What Competition? I have already given up!

19th Jan 2016

Pavan and I were relaxing on the couch talking about nothing and everything during one of those rare heart to heart conversations. The children were making a loud cacophony in the background and we were struggling to hear each other over the din. I bent close to Pavan and gingerly said, “I think you are up against stiff competition!!” Deep in my heart, I honestly felt that he had already lost to the competition but then he is a proud man (rightly so) and I did not want to hurt his male ego by saying that. Pavan made a low grumbling sound in his throat; looked me straight in the eye and said, “What Competition? I have already given up!!” And with that we both burst into laughter!

The competition in question has been with none other than the new man in my life; the self presumed head our family. In the initial stages, he succeeded in robbing my husband of his wife. But over a period of time, taking advantage of Pavans extended travel, this new man has also managed to rob Pavan of his house including his clothes, shoes and even food. With that, he has very conveniently assumed the role of Head of the Family in our house. Nobody enters or leaves the house without his permission. No one can eat, sleep, study, work or play without his acceptance.

This new man is, but of course, our two year old son, Yog. I have been through toddler years before and I was prepared to see Yog being possessive in context to other children. However, till date, Yog has not had any problem with other children being in the house. He has been waiting patiently to pick a real, worthy opponent who he considers strong enough to compete with him. Yog finally found that competition in his Dad. Pavan has to just hug me close for Yog to get into war mode. As Pavan sits down for meals, Yog rushes to his table and finishes most of his food before Pavan has got a chance to even start eating. Most days, Yog sleeps happily in his own bed. But the days Pavan is in town, Yog will only go to sleep only when positioned squarely in between both of us.

No reason, logic, reward, punishment has helped us to make little Yog understand that Dad is not really competition. How can I make him understand that his mother has more than enough love to share between his Dad, his sister and himself? But nah! Yog doesn’t want to understand this, right now. So for now, we have decided to let Yog dictate terms for all of us. After all, we don’t have the heart to fight against all the cuteness and love packed in that tiny body. For now, he is the boss and we are mere servants to our darling “Yog Maharaj”. So yes, there is indeed no competition! We have all given up and surrendered to our new ruler.
Choices of Death

7th Jan 2016

Scene 1

Prithvi lay still on the floor. His body was stone cold and draped in white. His six year old daughter, Santoshi, stood at his feet, trying to make out the expression on his face. Was Dad happy or was he sad at leaving her? She stared hard for a while and then bent down to touch his feet. This was her last memory of her dad.

Santoshi spent the next 25 years of her life blaming her dad for leaving her when he did. Ever since that day when she touched her father the last time, life had lost all hope for Santoshi. School was full of ominous strangers and home was full of dark shadows. Men, who till few months back were considered family, were now constantly fleecing her family for money, sexual favors and property. Most nights Santoshi cried herself to sleep, cursing her father for not trying hard enough to live for her, for her family. In her childish memory, the only fact that was worth remembering was that her Dad did not love her enough. That is why he did not try hard enough to live for her. He did not try hard enough to beat a common disease like Diabetes. He felt it easier to indulge in the moment and leave her alone on this planet. Prithvi was 45 when he died out of the choices he had made in his life. He left behind 3 daughters, a wife and his 75 year old mother.

Scene 2

It was the 1st of January. But more importantly it was Yashs 24th birthday. The joy of New Year coupled with his Birthday always ensured that Yashs birthday was a night long party bash. As always, Yash spent his Birthday Eve partying with friends till late in the night. They drank, danced and laughed like there was no tomorrow. This year was extra special. He had got a job in his dream company – Infosys and he has also proposed to his lady love. It was now only a matter of few years before he could settle down with her. As the music blasted into the year and the countdown for the New Year began, he made a resolution in his heart to clear all the loans his father had taken for his education. In just one year, he was sure he could turn the fate of his family around. As the party ended, Yashs friend offered to drop him home on his bike. Yash readily agreed. It also gave him the opportunity to continue the party from his home. This was the good life.

It was 3 AM in the night when the phone rang at Allangudi village in the interiors of Tamil Nadu, at Yashs parents home. The tired voice on the line informed Yashs Father that their son had met with a road accident. His death had been painless and instantaneous owing to a head injury. They were requested to come to Chennai to collect the body. Yash was 24 years, 1 hour and 2 minutes old when he died out of the choices he had made in his life. He left behind his mother, father and a Girlfriend.

Scene 3

Guru had a following of close to 300 devotees. Most devotees came from the local villages of Punjab. Ranjit, one of the followers of the Guru, had even constructed a small temple in the name of the Guru in Patiala. Guru was thankful for the love and devotion of his followers but he knew, in his heart, that there was a bigger calling for him. One cold January morning, he called up his father and informed him that he had decided to shed his current physical form on 31st May of the same year. He thanked his father for all that he had done for him and as a final gesture, requested his father to return his body to his mother, after his death.

And so it was. On the 31st day of May, Guru discarded the body that he had been living in, thus far. Guru was ageless when he left this world out of his choice. He left behind 300 followers who grew to seven lakh followers over the course of the next 7 years. The followers still claim that Guru is among them and guides them for direction whenever they feel lost.

——————————————

We all have to die one day. We do not have a choice in that. What we can choose is the way we live our life. Choices on how we live, to a large extent, decide not only how we die but also who we leave behind after our death.

P.S. All three scenes are based on true stories. The names and facts have been changed as a token of respect for the departed souls.
Spirit is Free

4th Jan 2016

My spirit has a reason to soar higher each time the world tries to bind it down!

Go world, try one more time! Help me soar higher and higher!
Return of the Cycle

31st Dec 2015

I was a big time cycling enthusiast during my college years. I continued to cycle to work during my first jobs but had to give up cycling when we moved to Mumbai after marriage. Kids, jobs, transfers and business managed to keep me away from my favorite sport for about 13 years. For some reason, even after all this time, the dream of cycling did not abandon me. It just sat there patiently in my heart waiting for the time when it could rewind. That day came sooner than I had imagined when a good friend introduced me to Cykul. I was literally jumping up and down with excitement after placing my first rental order for getting my first cycle. In my heart, I knew there was nothing stopping me from hitting the roads again. I could cycle again. I could fly again. I was free again.

The cycle was promptly delivered to my doorstep (with a safety helmet), while I was still at work. I could barely sit at my desk the rest of the evening, itching to hit the roads. By the time I wrapped up work, school homework and bed time stories it was 9:30 PM. Was it too late to step alone into the winter evening? Would it be safe? I pushed the fears aside and took out the cycle from our ground floor parking and onto the road. As I settled onto the hard seat, I felt oddly uncomfortable. My back arched and my butt ached. The handle bars seemed so far away from my arms. This was not what I had imagined in my mind. I had assumed that I would be able to fly right after pushing the first pedal down. But that had not happened. I labored with each push of the pedal and my breath was soon heavy. My lungs wanted to burst from lack of oxygen and my arms ached trying to control the heavy handlebars.

I realized I was sooooo out of shape. Even though I managed to cycle around the neighborhood for the next 30 minutes, I realized the dream of flying on the cycle would need more work than I had originally planned for. I had to sadly accept the fact that even though I could still feel and behave like I was 16, my body was definitely not there, anymore. It needed lot more work to get in shape before it was light enough to fly.

I woke up the next morning with a stiff back which got worse over the next few days (even though I had not dared to take out the cycle again). I could barely walk, leave alone think of cycling. The constant ache made me realize, for the first time in my life, how it feels to be sick over an extended period of time. The back was finally cured with some specific yoga exercises and thankfully I am back at a stage where I can finally run my normal day.

Even though I am fine now, I am not ready to step back onto the cycle again. Today, I placed the request to return my rented cycle. I am not sad. I am not happy. If anything, I can say I am more determined to pursue my dream of flying more than I have been before. The whole experience has taught me that my body is really growing old, quickly, and I need to intervene quickly before it gets too late. Oh! How far I have come from the days when I could go up and down mountains without breaking a sweat. One day of cycle ride has been like an Assessment Report with a big, fat, red color F written on top of it! I might have failed this time, but I am not ready to carry this failure forward to the rest of my life. For the sake of this F, I will need to get back in shape soon.

I write this blog today, to publicly declare my failure and my resolve to turn this failure around. For those who believe in New Year Resolutions, this is my promise to myself for the coming year.

I also write this blog today to share my experience with middle aged youngsters, like me. Most of us are focused on keeping our mind healthy and growing, but we lose the focus on working on our body. Since we started our lives with a brand new healthy body, we just assume it is going to stay the same way. The irony is that as the mind grows each passing day, the exact opposite is happening to our body. If we want to have the slightest hope of physically keeping pace with the speed of the mind, we need our body to stay young.

I am thankful for the accidental F in my life for this realization. Given this realization, my only wish for all my friends and family for the new year is a happy mind and a healthy body to go along with it.
Time is There

29th Dec 2015

Two year old Yog zooms in on the clock in this picture and exclaims excitedly, “Look Mama! Time is there!”

I sigh and smile, “Yes Yog! Time, indeed, is still there!”

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