Shilpa Roy Kota

Reptile Fascination

19th Jul 2015

I had just walked into the house from a busy day of shopping, when I heard loud hysterical shrieks coming from the kitchen. My instant reaction, was to search for Yog. I hoped he had not gotten into any trouble. I quickly lay my bags down and rushed to the source of this commotion. As I approached the narrow entryway into the kitchen, I almost bumped into Yogs Nanny still jumping hysterically and running out of the kitchen. Following her came out the housemaid, equally anxious, catching the broom in her hand, her sweeping job left undone. My anxiety rose as I was still not able to spot Yog. Where was he? What had happened?

Both women were now out of the door, under shock and not able to explain the crisis to me. I rushed inside the kitchen. There was no sign of Yog. Everything seemed to be in order. I could not understand the reason for this commotion!! I implored Yogs Nanny to tell me the problem. She meekly pointed towards a corner of the kitchen where I think I saw something scurry quickly by. But I wasn’t sure. What was the problem? Did anything break? Was there a fire? Was Yog all right? For heavens sake, someone please explain the problem? Yogs Nanny took a deep breath and almost whispered, “Lizard!?!” I was sure I didn’t hear it correctly. How could a lizard have caused such a commotion? A small slimy thing couldn’t have possibly scared the shit out of two adult women, one of them even armed with a broom. Where was it by the way?

Meanwhile, Yog hearing all the loud ruckus, waddled into the kitchen, his eyes curiously exploring the scene. His baby senses automatically spotted the lizard, trying to hide behind the kitchen door. Yog shrieked in delight on discovering something that was long, slim, grey-green and capable of moving! He immediately rushed towards it trying to grab its tail. Thank God that the lizard had faster reflexes than me. Before I could sense what mischief Yog was upto, the lizard had scampered a little further out of Yogs reach.

Using this opportunity, I managed to grab an excited Yog and move him out of the kitchen. I grabbed the broom from the house maid, and poked the lizard in the exit direction. As soon as it stepped out of the house, I closed the door behind it and took a sigh of relief. I turned around to face the two scared women, hiding behind the dining room wall. They were both red with embarrassment and smiled at me sheepishly. Yog, on the other hand, was upset at having lost the opportunity to play with something that could move.

I couldn’t believe the paradox of the world I live in. The adults that I assume will take care of Yog, when I am not around, are the adults who got so scared with something so small. On top of that, the tiny soul whom I would have expected to be scared of such beings, is super excited to welcome them in the house. The next time I leave the house with this combination of people, I am not sure whom I should worry about more – Yog, the Nanny, or the Lizard. God save me!!
Goal in Life

15th Jul 2015

A friend asked me a few years ago, “What do you want to achieve in your life?” My instant answer was, “My goal in life is to ensure my children grow up to be healthy and happy!”. My friend was considerably shocked, “That’s it!?! Isn’t there anything that you wish you could achieve for yourself?” I debated that being a mother was the most important thing for me. If I could do it well, that is all that I ever could want in life.

I am sure there are a lot of mothers who feel the same way. No matter whether we are house wives or successful career women, children are the end goal of our life. We are ready to compromise career, financial security, and even our spouse for the well being of our children. Somewhere in our minds, there is a very powerful doctrine that says that a good mother does not think about her own dreams. A good mother always puts the dreams of her family before her. The doctrine further states that being a mother is the most important role a woman can play. We should therefore play the role with complete pride and discipline. So what if we din’t get a chance to learn the piano, or run our own business, we will always get the opportunity to live our lives through our children. We can put our daughters in piano classes and we can have our son setup his business. We are sure we will get even more satisfaction seeing our children successful.

I am not sure when I changed, but somewhere between juggling work, children and my own sanity, I started building dreams of my own over and above the dreams that I had fostered for my children. I sinned to create dreams for me, just me; not my spouse, not my children, not my parents, but just ME. I had never thought anyone in my family would appreciate my dreams but for some odd reason, my complete family supported me. Years later I now dream of publishing my books, travelling across boundaries signing books for my readers, becoming an accomplished dancer and being able to make a difference to a larger community.

Initially I used to feel guilty taking time out for building my dreams. After all, in the same time, I could spend an extra hour on the next school project. Or I could work harder on potty training. Or I could cook something special for my husband. I could always choose to work harder on building/supporting dreams for my family than working on my own dreams. Isn’t that what mothers do best? It took me some time to realize that it was not my job to create dreams for my children. It was my job to enable them to create their own dreams. As a mother, it was my job to give them the confidence and courage to follow their dream no matter where it lead them. I then realized an extremely important game changing lesson of my life – How could I ever teach my children to follow their dreams, when I myself had never had the courage to do so??

Since that day on, I now take out time for building my dream each day at a time. I sincerely believe that having my own dreams does not make me less of a mother. In fact it makes me a better mother. It is because I have dreams of my own that I can teach my kids the importance of dreaming. As my daughter sees me blogging late into the nights after finishing her homework and story routine, she understands the importance of midnight oil in accomplishing the dreams. I respect myself and my time much more and therefore everyone else in the family tends to do the same. I can proudly say that my husband, my children, my in-laws, my mother, my sisters, my friends are all proud of me. I now realize that all along, all of them wanted me to be successful. They are all extremely happy when they see me becoming famous and respected in the world out there. I was never doing any one of them a favor by ignoring my dreams. I was just too scared of waking up and trying to make my dream into a reality. It was not that the family never believed I could make it big someday. It was me who never believed in myself.
Concrete Mixer and Combine Harvester

10th Jul 2015

What do a Concrete Mixer and a Combine Harvester have in common?

They both are machines that we read about in Yogs book on machines. This book is undoubtedly Yogs favorite book and he keeps turning the pages and pointing at the pictures requesting me to pronounce the machine names. As I speak the name of the machine loudly and clearly, the dull dark machine take a life of their own; “CONCRETE MIXER”, “TRACTOR”, “COMBINE HARVESTER”, and so on. Though we read about a lot of machines, Yog has not been able to see most of them in real life as they are hardly found on the busy city roads.

A few months back, I was travelling through the hot dusty farm roads of a small village near our city. We had traveled there for a wedding. The heat and travel had taken a toll on me and I was almost asleep as we crossed a yellow stretch of farm land. A giant machine was busy harvesting and packaging grains from the farm. I didn’t pay much attention to it as our car zoomed by. It was only after we were 50 meters away from the machine that my mind jolted into sudden realization. I sat up immediately and craned my head to see the machine clearly, one last time. Yes! I was right! It was a COMBINE HARVESTER!!! Wow!! I had seen a COMBINE HARVESTER! How I wish Yog was there with me right now! What a big machine it was! I will definitely have to tell Yog about this when I get back home! I was so excited to witness this machine for the first time in my life that I was surprised at myself. What was wrong with me!?!

Few weeks ago, one of the old neighborhood houses was completely dismantled and set up for a brand new construction. Each morning as we walked down the road, we greeted new set of machines working on the construction site. Cranes, Trucks, Bore Drills, and finally CONCRETE MIXER all have been active on the site. While most of the neighborhood complains of the dust and the noise generated by these machines, it is a site of pure bliss for Yog and me. Yog walks around these machines, admiring their size, built and textures. He runs his hands on the bulky tires and the cracked mud. While Yog soaks in these machine, I, for most part, soak in the joy, excitement, and wonder evident on Yogs face. His ears strain to hear more. His eyes try and see all the way to the top of the machine. His hands feel the rough, hard edges. And my eyes just follow him everywhere. When he looks at the big bucket of the Digger, I try and see what he is seeing. When he picks up another stone to rub it in his palms, I pick a similar stone too. We both listen attentively to the whirring of the engines as the machines slowly do their jobs.

Life is full of wonder and joy, if you can see it from the eyes of a two year old. The things that we don’t even see as we navigate our busy lives, hold so much beauty in them if we can just pause to observe them more closely. Yog has all the time in the world to observe and learn from the world around him. I am glad that on the pretext of watching over him, I too manage to see this beauty of life in the ants, flowers, concrete mixers and combine harvesters alike. I pray that as he grows older and starts to take more and more things for granted, he can still somewhere hold on to this power of deriving happiness from the simplest of things in life.
The Greatest Gift

7th Jul 2015

We all go through phases in life when we feel there is no point of moving forward. We feel alone, lost and completely helpless in the world around us. We believe that we have been chosen to play the role of a victim in destinies cruel game. We cannot do anything but accept what fate has written for us.

I have been through days like this when I have completely lost hope that there could ever be a silver lining to the dark clouds in my life. I have shut the windows, switched off the lights, curled inside my blanket and just cried myself to sleep. When morning came, my window has welcomed the shining sun and the barking dogs. As I have shifted myself in bed, I have been pleasantly surprised to realize that I was still breathing. Wow! I was still alive!

At the dawn of a brand new day, the biggest gift that God could have given me to help me change the world around me, is the gift of being alive. As long as I am alive, I have this extraordinary power to change anything in my life. My last hope for change would die, only when I was to die myself.

There is a joke that I share with one of my good friends, a highly successful entrepreneur in her own right. Whenever times are rough, we just remind each other of the fact that we are still alive. We congratulate each other on this gift and get back to resolving the crisis in our lives. As long as we are alive, we will find a way out.

On this Birthday, I have begged and borrowed many gifts from the loved ones around me. But honestly speaking, the greatest gift that I could ever receive is the gift that I already posses – the gift of a healthy body and a healthy mind. Given these two things, there is nothing more that I could ever need to achieve my dreams.
Just when a woman thinks her work is done…

29th Jun 2015

There is a magnet on the refrigerator door in my mothers kitchen. It reads:

“Just when a woman thinks her work is done, she becomes a grandmother!”

Whenever I visit my mother, I take a moment to stand in front of that magnet and smile to myself. Like my mother and perhaps like all other mothers out there, I secretly harbor the belief that I will not go down this path. I will only hold myself responsible for my children till they grow up and settle down. Then, I will leave them to fend their own battles and I will go out holidaying with my husband in the white sands of Hawaii. From that point on, I will never sweat about their health, wealth or prosperity.

The reality of the world is that no matter how old children become, for a parent they are always children who need constant support and guidance. As parents, we might be able to take a backseat for a while after the child gets married, but as soon as grandchildren start dotting the picture, we are needed even more than before.

The story goes the same in my household and I believe in all those households who are fortunate to have Grandparents live with them. Most evening as I am walking back for home from office, I see my Father-in-law ferrying Yog around the neighborhood on the scooter, just to keep him entertained and happy. As soon as I enter home, I greet Toyna, sitting on the dining table, finishing her homework under the watchful eye of her Grandmother. Discipline and mannerisms are key values that Toyna is being taught by her graceful Grandmother. I manage to attend late evening calls, step out for shopping, take a break with friends and in general have a life of my own because of two lovely adults who in spite of being grandparents have lovingly stepped into the shoes of parents for the Nth time. Age, exhaustion, time, or health have never stood in their way to meet the welfare of their grandchildren. I often feel bad demanding so much of their time at this age, but the smiles on their face in the presence of these notorious children, steal away the words of apology from my mouth.

Maybe I have been just born lucky, or maybe it is the way I choose to see things, but what I see around me are Grandparents working hard day and night to provide a comfortable, safe and happy future for their children and grandchildren as well. Knowing how far we need to go before we can think of ourselves as settled (leave alone the journey ahead of our children), I wonder when will the Grandparents get to spend their golden years relaxing on the beaches of Hawaii. When will their work actually get done?
Akka and Me

28th Jun 2015

Yogs favorite person in the whole wide world is his elder sister Toyna, whom he fondly calls Akka. For everything that you ask Yog to do, he will immediately ask if his Akka is going to be joining him. This is how our conversations go:

Me: Yog you want to go Broom Broom? (meaning scooter ride)

Yog instantly nodding his head and asking: Akka? (is Akka coming too?)

Me: Yog, shall we go eat ice cream?

Yog instantly nodding his head and asking: Akka? (is Akka coming too?)

Me: Yog, lets us go to sleep.

Yog (first reaction): No sleep!!

Mama: No, but it is time to sleep. (catching his hand and taking him to the bedroom)

Yog: Akkkkkkaaaaaaa!!! (Akka should also sleep with me)

Mama (offering a blanket): Yog do you want blanket?

Yog (readily grabbing his blanket): Akka? (Does Akka need blanket too?)

Mama (time for bio break): Yog, chi chi time. (This is not a question, but a statement as we need to take him to the potty seat at regular intervals)

Yog: Akka?

He sits on the potty seat and calls: Akaaaaaaaaaaa! (He needs Akka for moral support).

Poor Akka has to not only come and join him in the bathroom, but she has to also sit on her potty seat, relive herself before he will start his process.

The best part is Toyna never objects to this attention. She adores him as much as he adores her. Thankfully for me, at least she doesn’t need him to join her during her bath and bio breaks.
Vaccination Party

26th Jun 2015

Rainbow Hospital

This year we achieved two big milestones together. Toyna turned 10 years old and Yog turned two. These two ages are somehow significant from a development milestone of children and each parent rejoices when their child successfully crosses this stage. These ages also lead to a fresh dose of vaccinations and visit to the doctor to check that all developmental milestones have been achieved. Though Yog has received a number of vaccinations till now, I doubt whether he even understands what a Vaccination means, least of all be able to say that word. Toyna on the other hand was super excited to get vaccinated. It has been some years that she got the last one and she was counting days before I could take her to the doctor for the new set of vaccinations. I was amused to see her excitement and asked what made her so thrilled about getting injected. Her simple response, “Because I am no longer scared of getting injections!” I always believed that there is a wide range of emotions between fear and excitement? How can anyone cross the entire set of intermediate emotions and jump directly from one emotion to the other? Like a child praying for the number of cherries on her birthday cake, Toyna was praying that she gets at least three vaccinations. I smiled incredulously at her wish throughout the drive to the hospital.

The doctor checked both of them out. I was aware that he checked me out too through the corner of his wise eyes. He always does that and I think he is gauging whether I am still capable of managing my children or should he call 911. I think I managed to fool him one more time, so he passed all of us and subscribed 4 shots for us. 2 for Yog and 2 for Toyna. Toynas excitement started peaking as we headed for the pharmacy. Yog had little clue of the trouble coming up, but he simply got excited because Toyna was so. Both of them jumped up and down, made funny faces, tickled each other and laughed like there is no tomorrow. The whole hospital was literally taking turns, first staring at them and then at me, thinking what kind of mother would have her children laughing around in a place like the somber hospital. While I paid at the counter, Yog banged his fists at the door leading into the counter where the pharmacists sit. Hoping to distract Yog, a pleasant nurse commented, “No banging doors! Else doctor will give you an injection!” Toyna laughed loud at this and said, “But we are already getting injections!!”. The nurse smiled and said, “Oh! Then I will have to tell the doctor to give both of you two injections!!!” Toyna doubled over with laughter at this and blurted out, “But we both are already getting two injections each!” The entire pharmacy was now smiling at these two happy children who did not have the least worry about getting injected.

First the nurse called in Toyna for her shots. Toyna giggled as they rubbed the alcohol and found a place to inject. One nurse caught Toynas leg down and the other nurse, who was holding the injection, advised me to catch her arms in case she tried to move during the procedure. I gave one look and told her that Toyna is a black belt in taekwondo. Does she really think I can hold a black belt, 10 year old, by her arms? I advised them to take it slow, so that Toyna doesn’t get too much pain and in return ends up hitting them. Toyna giggled even more at this and I could sense both nurses going a little stiff from the strain. Seeing Toyna giggle, Yog who was now in my arms (just to prevent him from running around) giggled too at the nurses.

As soon as the nurses were done with Toyna, Yog was made to lay down on bed. He screamed his heart out, as soon as he realized what was going to happen. We consoled him and promised him a vaccination party after leaving the hospital. As we stepped out of the hospital, I could feel a number of eyes following us out of the doors and into our debilitated car. I am sure some of them were happy to have such boisterous kids in the hospital and some were extremely disappointed to witness a mother who gave so much freedom to her children in todays age of discipline and competition. Either which ways, I could not care less. I was simply relieved in the fact that what could have been an extremely depressing and painful evening turned out to be a full blown party. To make the celebration complete, we ended the evening with chaat paapdi and gol gappe and the famous Bikanerwala. On the drive back, Toyna kept feeling her injection sores and celebrating the fact that she got at least two injections, even though she had prayed for three.

I am not sure where we are headed as a family. For now, I am happy knowing that if we can live these small moments completely, we would have found where we want to go in the future. I read this somewhere, long long time ago, “Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present!” Well, you can just say that we really like to enjoy our presents, while we can!
Birthday Gift to Me

22nd Jun 2015

My birthday is on the 6th of July. I am going to skip the debate about my age, as I sometimes feel 13 years young and sometimes 75 years old. Anyhow, just the other day, when I was talking to my Mom, she casually asked me what gift I wanted for my Birthday. I literally laughed out loud. “Matrix, I am not a kid anymore!! Birthday gifts are for children! Plus, what in the world could I ask as a Birthday Gift! There is nothing that I need!”

Even though I denied needing a gift that day, it got me thinking on what is that I really need in my life. I definitely need more sleep, more time to write, more time with Pavan, capability to laugh more, stress less, and generally chill more in life. Now among all this, what can be gifted to me as a Birthday Gift by my mother or my friends and family? None, I suppose! Having said that, Birthdays are a once in a year opportunity to really ask what we would like to receive. This year, for some unknown reason, I do not want to miss that opportunity. Therefore, I thought and thought and finally decided that there is indeed something that my friends and family can gift me as my Birthday Gift. So here it goes:

Most of you who read my posts are aware of my love for writing. You also know that I aspire to be a published writer one day. If you follow me closely, you would also know how far away I am from my vision right now. This year, as my Birthday Gift, I ask you to help me get one step closer to achieving my vision by doing one or all of the below for me:

1. Like my Facebook page – Shilpa Roy Kota (This is a public page and is different from my personal page, also by the same name. You can simply search “Shilpa Roy Kota” in Facebook and you will see my page.)

2. Invite your friends to like my page too. This will help me increase my readership levels.

3. In the comment to this post, describe in ONLY three words my blog. For e.g. – Crazy stupid mother, or Funny everyday life. This will help me understand how my readers perceive my blogs and will help me define my positioning strategy.

4. Send me a FB, Whatsapp, SMS, or email message on what you think of my posts. I would sincerely appreciate areas in which you think I can really do better (if I want to become a professional one day). List down anything from grammar, spelling, editing, positioning that needs improvement.

5. Anything else, that in your opinion will take me closer to my vision.

Please do all this, only if you really enjoy what I write and would like to see me as a published writer one day. Honestly, there is no Birthday Gift better than this, for me, this year. I know I am being shameless in asking but I believe we should ask upfront for things we would like to receive. I will also re-post this a few times before my birthday, just in case some of you have missed seeing it the first time.

Lastly, thank you all for reading, liking, commenting and sharing my posts. It is because of each one of you that I really started to believe in my vision. If you grant my birthday wish this year, I promise I will not only give a special mention of you in my first book, but will also mail you a personalized copy of that book as soon as it is published. I will also earnestly pray that you come closer to achieving your personal vision each day. Honestly speaking, as an aspiring writer, I don’t have much more to promise in return, return now!
Spouse vs. Friend

18th Jun 2015

When Pavan started our business 6 years back in the apocalyptic year of 2008, I was still working in a full time job. I had little clue regarding the life of a Businessman and absolutely none related to the wife of a Businessman. I remember feeling proud of him. He was free from the shackles of a 24*5 job. I used to sit in my office and romanticize about our brand new future. In my mind, I pictured us spending lazy afternoons together with our children, under no pressure to meet crazy official deadlines. Now that he was his own boss, he could decide his own work time and schedules. I was sure, that now there would be nothing standing in between the harmony of our perfect married life.

Looking back, we both admit, we didn’t know what we didn’t know. No amount of research could have prepared us for the life of a Businessman and a Business Woman. In the years after the launch of KINDUZ, our marriage took a huge toll. It took me a long time to accept that it was possible for my dear husband to be busier than before. He was working even harder, travelling even more and on top of it making far lesser money than he used to in his respectable job. It was then that I started questioning our decision to launch a Business. What in the world were we thinking!!!?!!!

Searching desperately for answers to rekindle our dying relationship, I came across one solid bit of advice – “If you cannot defeat the enemy, join it!”. So that is what I did. I quit my respectable job and joined the enemy. Now we were both working together towards the same goals. We got to spend more time together. We had common dreams, common achievements and common failures. We were together again.

I thought we had overcome a big milestone in our relationship. Business flourished and the travel for Pavan which was till now restricted to domestic sectors for about 15 days a month, expanded to international territories for more than 25 days a month. Time zone differences and a new baby in our family tore us again into opposite directions. We constantly felt the need to connect, but were not able to find a common time to even talk. We tried putting together rules for maintaining work life balance. But exceptions to the rules were more frequent than the rule itself.

Months of continuous business travel finally ended with a long planned family vacation in Europe in May this year. Both of us were literally counting days and hours to get to spend time with each other again. Oh! I had so much to tell him! So much to hear from him! So many problems I needed his help on. I was sure, I would be talking non stop for the entire stretch of our 16 days vacation.

The vacation started with long travel, settling into a home with the kids, catching up with the rest of the family and lounging together. On most days, we were driving through beautiful country sides, stopping for picnic lunches and having late night tête-à-tête with the larger family.

Pavan and I got the time to connect, but I realized there was nothing that important that had to be talked about in order to connect. Most days, we just sat together holding hands, watching the country side whiz by, beautiful Hindi songs in our ears and the children fast asleep in their respective car seats, secure and happy. What more could one ask for in life? What more could I ask for in life? There was nothing that needed to be discussed. There was no problem large enough to disturb the serenity of the moment. We were just happy being with each other. There was nothing more or nothing less that we needed from each other.

It was in this vacation that I learnt that a Connection is not really formed only when we talk to someone on a continuous basis. There are some connections which always exist no matter how far we might be from each other. Connections don’t need a physical touch, an expensive gift or a common goal to remain strong. Connections just grow as we grow together. All we need to do is believe that we are connected. We have to behave like we are connected.

Next time, I am missing Pavan really bad, I will look up this post and remind myself that we are still together in our own dimension of the world. We might not be the ideal husband and wife pair, but I guess when it comes to being Best Friends, we couldn’t have found a better friend than each other.
Quest for Perfection

17th Jun 2015

The world today is full of bright children who excel in everything that they do – academic, extracurricular or home. I regularly see posts of proud parents sharing their children’s achievements online. I feel happy for these families, who have a lot of accomplishments to pride on. When it comes to our house hold, I am happy to say that I have very simple things to our credit. The biggest achievement that I can boast about is that my children are happy and healthy! Touch Wood!

I take pride in their love for each other, their sense of freedom and love for life. Honestly speaking, there is nothing more I can think of adding to this list. My daughter has never topped her class and I do not intend to keep this as a goal for her future as well. Most days, her moderate interest in education doesn’t bother me. In place of having her bent down on books, I would rather have her unleash her creativity in dance, art, taekwondo, singing and cracking jokes. I have no doubt that she is extremely talented and she will excel in her chosen field one day. Then there are some days that we step outside of our cosy little world and she is placed in stark comparison to her peers. Those days, I am drawn to skills that she doesn’t possess and I start to feel depressed about her future. I vow to work harder on her education, spend more time with her at home and try and change her scores for the good. The stress rubs off on me and of course on her.

It was only a few days ago that I realized where I was going wrong. I was extremely happy with my child as long as I viewed her as an independent individual. As soon as I started comparing her to others in her space, I lost my sense of pride. That made me question myself, “What was the need for me to compare my children with anyone in this world? I know they were born unique, with their unique talents and goals just like all the other kids out there. Then why do we compare and contrast. Why do we make decisions for our children based on what rest of the children in the world are doing and accomplishing?” The immediate answer that came to my mind was, “It is a competitive world out there. We need to prepare our children to beat the competition. They can only do so if they know what the rest of the world is doing. That is the start of benchmarking and comparisons.”

My next question to myself was, “What will happen if my children cannot beat the competition? Will they not be able to make a living for themselves? Will they not be happy about themselves?”

The answer I got in return was, “Of course they can make a living for themselves. For making a living you need life skills, more than academic skills. I am sure my children have those. Of course they will be happy about themselves, because that is what they have learnt in life. Yes, in the process, the society might view them as failures who did not accomplish anything big, but that is fine. Keeping the society happy is not the focus area of my life.”

I found the answer I was looking for to find my sense of peace and pride. Now, I have vowed to stop comparing my children to others around me. I have vowed to focus on the areas they love and give them the freedom to explore life as it comes. If I cannot handle the stress that comes with my child not matching upto another child, then it is Me who needs to be grounded at home, with stress busting pills and books. My children were born to be free. Nature delivered perfection to me. How can I question Nature and try and change it? I have to let it take its own path.

When I am 65 years old, I do not want to sit back and take pride on what I have been able to create of my children. At that age, I would want to sit back, relax and know that the creation is still progressing, on its own, cause it was never dependant on me. It was fuelled by an intrinsic urge within my own children to grow. The biggest gift I can give to my children is the gift to believe in themselves. And that gift will only be possible when I stop doubting their capabilities in the first place.

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