Shilpa Roy Kota

Tipping Point is one of my favorite books from my favorite author Malcolm Gladwell. Sometimes we spend our entire energy towards trying to make a change happen but nothing changes. At other times, when we least expect change, it sweeps through and through. Tipping point is about this unexpected change.

Does it mean, we should not try to make it happen, but rather just wait for the change to happen? I don’t think so. Even if our attempts don’t actually make the change happen, they do succeed in preparing us for the change. Let me try and explain this with some examples.

For years, I tried multiple exercise regimes, diet plans and counselling on how to lose weight. Did I lose it? No! Over a period, I gave up trying to lose weight but continued doing what I was doing without the stress of achieving an outcome. And you guessed it, I started losing weight. 

Another example – I tried to teach my daughter colors when she was young. I was at it for months and she simply refused to identify the colors. One day, I just gave up and accepted the fact that she was color blind. The very next day, she started identifying the colors bang on target.

So how does it happen? Why is it when we try so hard we don’t achieve the result, but when we just stop, the outcome is so easily achieved. Some theories- 

1. We don’t achieve the outcome because we don’t focus too much on the actions per se. We are just blinded by the expected outcome. It is like, not being able to see the present because we are living in the anticipated glory of the future. We need to concentrate on the action first, before we can enjoy the reward.

The Geeta says 

Karma kar, phal ki chinta mar kar.

Do the action, don’t worry about the fruits of the action. If your actions are right, the fruits are bound to come.

2. Some events or even personalities cause a huge impact and completely transform our way of thinking. These are catalysts to the change and are like the missing piece to the puzzle we have been trying to complete. 

3. Development Milestones are not only applicable to toddlers and children. As adults, we also have development milestones of maturity. The only difference is we don’t track our progress on these milestones. One day, unknown to ourselves, we reach the next milestone and things start to change. These are the Tipping Points of life, when we move to the next phase and events start appearing in a different light. All we can do is wait and watch for the signs when we will get there. 

If you didn’t understand this blog, don’t fret. Read it after a couple of years and perhaps you will be able to understand it then. 🙂

Capability (in my definition) is the ability to stretch yourself to new heights in order to achieve your goal. If someone can run a marathon in 6 hours, they are extremely capable. Does this mean, someone who cannot run a marathon is not capable. Of course not, because running a marathon was not their goal in the first place.

Capability therefore cannot be defined as the ability to achieve ANY goal. It is all about the goal that matters to you.

There are a lot of individuals who constantly compare themselves with others and feel they are not capable enough. Vice versa also holds true. Many more individuals think they have long list of accomplishments under their belt so they are more capable than their peers. There are a lot of home makers in India who are extremely under confident because they think they are not capable of going to swanky offices and discussing politics with intelligent looking men. Behind the closed doors of their households, they are constantly criticized for not being a good enough cook, cleaner, nurse, and sex partner. Is this acceptable?

Someone who stays awake by the bed side of an ailing child for days and nights is equally hardworking and capable as someone who stays behind a desk, burning mid night oil on a project report. Both roles are equally challenging and, more importantly, essential for the society today. Therefore, both should be equally acknowledged and rewarded. Unfortunately, while the good work at a job receives public acclaim, good home management is rarely recognized.

A song from my school days has always inspired me–

“All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small

All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all”

Because everything was created equal, we are no one to decide if we are more or less than anyone/anything around us. We are just a small but significant part of the world that we live in. We are here to do our part, like all others around us. By considering others as incapable, we prove none other, but ourselves, incapable of understanding this basic rule.

Since the last few days, life has been chaotic. Too much to do and too many thoughts in mind. And yet at the end of the day, when I want to write, not one thought seems to fall through straight enough that I can write. 

By the time I write the title for one thought, and start the body, another thought has already taken hold which makes the first thought fade away. I have started at least 5 blogs today but saved them for a later day. 

So the only thought that matters today is that all my other thoughts need some time to sort out. That’s fair and I am glad I realized it as I started to write. Before I started writing, I was kind of overwhelmed with the number of thoughts and emotions going around. Writing helped to identify that though the thoughts might be many, none of them matter enough to really think about them too much.

My next blog will have to wait for a thought that counts. 

After a long day of juggling responsibilities, managing perceptions, meeting some expectations, failing others; all I want to do is go for a walk. Walking and me are kind of soul mates and we like to unwind the day together out on the bustling roads of our city. To give us good company, we invite Music and Breeze as well. Off late, Rain has also been keeping us company but it is not as predictable. 

As we all go down together on the streets, we have around us – crowds of people, traffic, dust, noise and pollution. However, when we are on the road, none of these external environmental factors matter to us. We in fact don’t even notice them. Some of these factors might even be jealous of us as we are out there amidst all of them, yet alone, having a ball all by ourselves.

Walking is the therapy more for my mind than my body. As I tell the stories of my busy day to it, it helps me analyze the day objectively, put events and objects into perspective and trash the junk of anger and frustration if I have built any during the day. By the end, both my mind and body are rejuvenated.

We came together about an year back and have been out there together almost every night, sometimes alone, sometimes in company of others. As I grow old, I am not sure if Walking will still enjoy my company. I hope, if it likes me enough it will help me develop both my mind and my body so that we can enjoy each others company for many many more years to come.

I went through an embarrassing situation a couple of days ago. Thankfully, only I understood the source of my embarrassment and hence did not have to face the humiliation of being publicly prosecuted. I am writing a blog about it is so I can remember the important lesson I learnt out of it.

As I dropped my little sweetheart to her class one fine Sunday evening, I was as usual in high spirits. I drove my scooter out of the apartment complex and was enjoying the light breeze on my face and in my hair. Coming from the other side of the road, I saw another scooterist slightly confused and not sure on which side of the road he should drive. I smiled inwardly and smirked at his silliness. How could one not know which side to drive. I managed to cross him safely avoiding a collision and entered another intersection, onto another road leading home. 

This is when it dawned on me why the scooterist was confused. He did not know which side to ride on, because I was riding on his side of the road. I remember he looking at me and trying to tell me I was on the wrong side. But I, in my spirits did not even notice it. I also realized, he was not smirking or laughing at me. And it was not me, but he, who avoided the collision.

So many times we jump to conclusions, blaming others for deeds, events, mistakes, problems in our lives. Many times, we realize soon after that we were wrong. However, by then, the damage is already done and we have no way of undoing it. 

I hope I remember this incident the next time when I am about to jump to a conclusion and assign fault. 

Those of you who are trying to interpret this incident and prove your point – “All women are bad drivers”, I will only say “Don’t jump to hasty conclusions” 🙂

Before I start, I must confess these are not my original thoughts. These are thoughts from Sadhguru, a spiritual leader, I have been reading upon. 

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In order to believe, we must already know. When we know, we stop seeking more. In the process we stop learning. So which is better, believing or seeking?

Sadhguru compares Believing to Religion. Our religion tells us to follow a certain path in life, and we believe the path is right. If we are religious, we never question the belief and we continue to conduct ourselves in the manner as preached by our religion.

On the other hand, Seeking is like Spirituality. On our spiritual journey, we just know one fact and the fact is that – We don’t know. This fact is like a constant pull that keeps moving us forward towards answers. In the end what do we end up finding –  Ourselves!

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I am sure this has left quite a few readers confused. Feel free to share your thoughts on Religion vs. Spirituality. If you want to know more about Sadhguru, visit ishafoundation.org