Shilpa Roy Kota

• If you realized your child was lying to you
• If your team was hiding critical facts
• If your partner in love was willfully misleading you

• Would punishing the child, stop them from lying?
• Would reprimanding the team, stop them from hiding?
• Would blaming and fighting with the partner, stop them from misleading?

All three may seem like very different situations but perhaps stem from the same root cause – Lack of trust.

• The child doesn’t trust that you will understand, therefore they lie.
• The team doesn’t trust that you will support,  therefore they hide.
• And the partner doesn’t trust that you will care, understand and support, and therefore they mislead.

If one was to solve these three problems the answer then would be very simple – Build the trust! As soon as we think of this answer, many of us will instantly think – But I have done everything already. If they still don’t trust me, then it is not my problem. Well, unless we consciously want an unruly kid, an under productive and demotivated team, and an unhappy relationship; it is definitely our problem to solve.

If we agree that we need to build trust, we then will ask how does one build trust? 

• By repeating 100 times a day – I trust you, or
• By taking them on exotic vacations, or
• By buying expensive gifts for them

Honestly I was always scared of Parent Teacher Meetings as a child. Probably it is one of the perks of being an average child. I remember the standard comment which followed year on year in all my report cards -” Good show! But can do better”. I could never figure out what it meant and honestly  didn’t really care what my teachers thought, as long as my Mom was happy with the scores.

For as long as I remember I wanted to grow up fast, so that I have to stop studying and get out of the cycle of exams and report cards. And then it happens – I grow up, land a job, have an adorable daughter, start a business, and I think – Whew it seems to be over! But it is not!!! 

I have my daughters Parent Teacher Meeting today and deny as I might, I still have those butterflies in my stomach. Try as I might, to coax her to tell me how she scored, she refuses to reveal the secret. At her age, her score is directly proportional to the amount of quality effort I have invested in her. So it is essentially not her score, but in a way mine. 

Thankfully I am beyond the stage where school report cards determined how good I or even she are as persons. I keep telling myself to shake out the fear,  and not be scared of teachers anymore, but honestly I still am more worried about what they say, than some of my most important clients. 

Amidst all this, one thing I am proud of is the fact that my daughter doesn’t care a damn about the report card. All she cares about is what I think of her –  She knows she is and always will be the best for me, no matter what the teacher or the report card have to say! In fact, we have a business plan in mind for all the zeroes that she scores – we plan to open an omelette shop with all those andaas. Some use we have to put them to!

I have wondered sometimes who all read my blog. For the first few blogs it was the most important thing to watch for during the day. Another like, another comment, another share were all the metrics I was counting. As the number of blogs increased, the readership slowly decreased. It actually seemed like a straight line co-relation to me. One day I thought, should I stop writing because no one is reading? And then I thought – Did I start writing because someone was reading?

I started writing because I loved to write. The feeling still continues and therefore I still write. Perhaps there will be a day when I will be a famous author and will have a huge following. However, if I don’t love writing anymore I will stop, no matter what my followers say. 

Till such time, I continue to tap at my computer, pour out my thoughts and love what I do. Can’t deny that I still think about – Who is Reading?

Long Sunday siesta, longer evening walk and lots of time with family. Mmmmmmmm what a beautiful weekend. Sometime the whole idea of a break is not about going on exotic vacations but simply unwinding in the coziness of your home, in the company of loved ones. What makes it even more beautiful is the fact that there is absolutely no plan to do anything worthwhile. 

Plans work well when we are trying to achieve goals and milestones. When planning to have fun, I would rather chuck out all predefined plans, games, activities, agendas, maps, whatever creates boundaries within which we need to remain. Fun for me, do whatever comes to mind in that moment. Close your eyes, listen to your heart  and just do it. Some things I have done – Dance in the middle of the road at midnight, play catch on the road with hubby, steal some rain drops, pretend I can fly, roll around in bed singing songs without any lyrics, make cartoons with chalks on pavements, drive without anywhere to go and blog when there is nothing to write. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

We are all scared of failing, of making mistakes, of loosing something we really cherish. Because of this fear, many of us even give up trying. It is like being afraid of hurting the ones we love, so we stop loving all together.

I learnt that everyone is scared, nervous, skeptical and sometimes shaken. But not everyone learns to master their fears and turn them to their advantage. The ones who do, use their fear as their strength to plan better, prepare harder and as a result deliver better. 

Fear is a healthy sign that represents gaps we need to close, things we need to be cautious about and areas we need to learn. If we can identify our fears, we can learn to make them our biggest advantage. 

The Batman was scared of Bats as a child, but when he was able to identify his fear, he could use the exact same fear as his most powerful weapon. It is all work of fiction but the movies have a lot to learn from. Thanks to a dear friend who introduced us to to them, again!

A point is a minuscule entity in this vast eternity. How you define it – depends on where you are looking at it from? If you are looking at it from the top, you find it as a dot. If you are looking at it from the bottom, you might view it as a hat. If you turn towards left, you might view it as an egg. You might even see it as our universe if you went far out in to the space.

So whats the point of this blog? That depends on who is reading and how they are reading it. It might be &*%& $H$# to some. It might make the day of some others and it might just raise the eyebrow of a few other. 

To me, it is my point of view of this life. Disagree? Feel free to leave your views on this point.

The only thing common amongst us all is that each one of us is unique in our own respect. Once we agree that we are all different, we will also agree that we all are therefore bound to have difference of opinions. What do we do when we come across such differences of opinion at home, at work, in love? Our first attempt is to try and resolve these differences, get everyone on the same page. We fear that if we differ, we will drift apart as a team, as a family or as lovers. 

Have we considered an alternative theory – that differences are healthy, and in fact they should be nurtured and safe guarded. Imagine what would happen if everyone in the team thought exactly the same way – there would be no room for suggestions, feedback and criticism. If everyone in the family thought exactly the same way – the family would have such a standard, skewed, one-sided, perspective towards life. If we reach that stage, that would be the end of innovation, new ideas and learning.

Since we all differ from each other, we have a responsibility to add different perspectives, thoughts, ideas, dimensions to what we do. That will be our biggest contribution to our family, to our team and to our world.

The only thing to remember is that each point of view whether ours, or our neighbors is equally valid and should be considered. In fact once the perspective is shared it does not belong to the originator alone. It is just another point of view to learn from. Go on, encourage differences, share perspectives and discover a new world!

One more painful extraction and it is time for the Tooth Fairy to pay a visit! When I was young, did I ever believe in fairies myself? But for my daughter, I make sure she believes in Santa and Tooth fairy and any other Fairy Godmothers who are kind enough to visit our heaven. 

The Tooth Fairy worked well to get her excited about the extraction the first couple of times, but now the charm is kind of wearing off. Then why do I do it? A couple of more years and I am sure the factual world out there is going to prove to her that fairies and angels don’t exist. But before reality can touch her, I want to give her a chance to dream, to believe that miracles happen, that fairies visit us in early hours of dawn and that anything is possible. 

Tooth fairy doesn’t just mean a small gift granted in return for a tiny tooth. Tooth fairy, to me, symbolizes the power of belief, the reason to make right choices knowing they will be rewarded, the strength to be brave even when it is painful and above all the knowledge that we are all taken care of.

I hope that even when she grows out of believing in fairies, she will still remember what they symbolize and it will give her the strength to believe and continue to make the right choices in life.

Droplets of water falling from the sky, glistening in the glow of artificial lights, cause a hypnotic effect on me. There is no pattern, no story, nothing to see in each one of them; and yet, they draw me towards them as a moth towards the light. Sometimes I hear them, sometimes their voices are hushed by the din of the city. But whenever I step amidst them, they seem to be alive, breathing, dancing and caressing in every touch.

I have tried to capture them in pictures, and in words but their beauty and serenity is beyond the realms of my camera and my pen. Sometimes I wish I was a part of them, falling, floating and rising; going where the flow took me. No boundaries to hold me back, no destination too far.