Shilpa Roy Kota

Has it happened to you that you saw a close friend rotting away his life, but in place of giving him/her a solid advice, you support them and tell them – They rock! 

We think because we are good friends, we ought to support each other in good times and bad. Even though we know our friend is doomed, we would rather be there for him, than give him honest opinion and risk our friendship. Do you think this kind of friendship is really a friendship?

I thank God for friends both at work and in personal life, who are true mirrors for me. They will give point blank feedback without any shimmers and glitters on top of it. The feedback might be a bitter pill especially in times when all I need is a shoulder to cry on. But then medicine is supposed to be bitter tasting. If it is not bitter than in most cases it is just a placebo.

If they are reading this blog, please know that even though I might not show the appreciation of true feedback then and there, I would rather have that any day, than sweet lies which are just meant to make me feel better. Thank you for that!

When every bone is breaking and your mind feels like a dead weight at the top of your head, but you still don’t have any regret about what you have just done. Given a choice you would do it again and again. That is the Wow factor in life. It gives you the high of accomplishment which no poison of this world can match. 

Cheers to my team who loves to live on this edge and has proved time and time again  that as a team we can make anything happen!

What do you think happens when a car breaks down in India? Your list might include things like:

1. No help for hours
2. Frustration
3. Anxiety and perhaps
4. Fear

All if the above are so far away from reality. Let me tell you my tale of today to explain why.

I had a crazy day at work, not a moment to relax. Had some office errands to run later in the day, so was out in my car, planning tasks, routes and phone calls as I drove into the evening. It was drizzling, with a little breeze. The perfect weather to enjoy the evening, but my thoughts were so far away, deep into the black hole of the never ending To Do lists. 

Somewhere along the way, I sensed smoke was coming out at my windscreen. Some helpful passerby suggested I stop the car and put water in the radiator.

I searched for the nearest shop to buy water, pulled the car to a side and opened the bonnet. And then the mystery started. Out of so many nuts, bolts, wires, caps, which one had to be opened to put water in. While I struggled to make sense of the maze, a helpful gentleman warned me not to open the radiator directly as it would be very hot. Another extremely helpful gentleman guided me on how to check how hot the radiator was. He took the trouble of turning on the ignition and showing me the flashing red lights inside the car. Meanwhile as the radiator cooled down, another considerate man poured water into the radiator coolant tank. All done and dusted, they advised me to go slow and watch the heat signal as I went home. 

As I thanked them whole heartedly and started to get into the car, I requested for the keys to the car. All of them looked at each other in bewilderment, and Voila it dawned on me that the keys were inside the car, which was now locked, as the ignition had been on for some time. All of the extremely gentle men, all of a sudden had by now disappeared from the scene.

As I struggled to open the door of the car, there started another set of extremely supportive gentlemen, who tried to figure out how to open the car without a key. After a few futile attempts, I called home, requested for the spare key to be sent and found a comfortable spot on the car bonnet to sit and wait for it. Meanwhile, the well meaning advice and help kept pouring and I was offered water, tea, a chair and lots of gyan about cars, radiators, central locking systems and rain.

By the time the spare key arrived, I had relaxed enough to make some friends, enjoy the rain and think about what my next blog would be all about. Things I would never had done if my car never broke down. Life is definitely so much fun!

Yeah, it’s my Birthday and I know I am in for lots of Happy Birthday wishes. While, I agree that a Birthday is an important occasion in the year, I think it is highly overrated. Personally, I think more than yourself, your mother should be given credit for your birthday as she was the one who made it happen, of course with some help from your father. Thank you Mom for getting me in this world and helping me learn how to survive!!

If I was to be asked, which is the day I would want to celebrate, I would honestly not pick the day I was born, but the day I became alive. Whats the difference between the two? The day we are born, we probably just learn how to breathe on our own. The day we become alive, we have learnt how to live. While I have celebrated countless birthdays, it is only recently that I learnt how to live. Unfortunately, I don’t remember exactly the date and time when I became alive. So I don’t have one day in the year to celebrate. I think that is even better, because that allows me to celebrate each and every moment of my life. Reason for celebration – whoo hoo I am alive!! 

I do however remember some friends and family who helped me to learn how to live. On my birthday this blog goes out to them. Thanks to all of you for changing my status from born to alive!

Tipping Point is one of my favorite books from my favorite author Malcolm Gladwell. Sometimes we spend our entire energy towards trying to make a change happen but nothing changes. At other times, when we least expect change, it sweeps through and through. Tipping point is about this unexpected change.

Does it mean, we should not try to make it happen, but rather just wait for the change to happen? I don’t think so. Even if our attempts don’t actually make the change happen, they do succeed in preparing us for the change. Let me try and explain this with some examples.

For years, I tried multiple exercise regimes, diet plans and counselling on how to lose weight. Did I lose it? No! Over a period, I gave up trying to lose weight but continued doing what I was doing without the stress of achieving an outcome. And you guessed it, I started losing weight. 

Another example – I tried to teach my daughter colors when she was young. I was at it for months and she simply refused to identify the colors. One day, I just gave up and accepted the fact that she was color blind. The very next day, she started identifying the colors bang on target.

So how does it happen? Why is it when we try so hard we don’t achieve the result, but when we just stop, the outcome is so easily achieved. Some theories- 

1. We don’t achieve the outcome because we don’t focus too much on the actions per se. We are just blinded by the expected outcome. It is like, not being able to see the present because we are living in the anticipated glory of the future. We need to concentrate on the action first, before we can enjoy the reward.

The Geeta says 

Karma kar, phal ki chinta mar kar.

Do the action, don’t worry about the fruits of the action. If your actions are right, the fruits are bound to come.

2. Some events or even personalities cause a huge impact and completely transform our way of thinking. These are catalysts to the change and are like the missing piece to the puzzle we have been trying to complete. 

3. Development Milestones are not only applicable to toddlers and children. As adults, we also have development milestones of maturity. The only difference is we don’t track our progress on these milestones. One day, unknown to ourselves, we reach the next milestone and things start to change. These are the Tipping Points of life, when we move to the next phase and events start appearing in a different light. All we can do is wait and watch for the signs when we will get there. 

If you didn’t understand this blog, don’t fret. Read it after a couple of years and perhaps you will be able to understand it then. 🙂