Being a Parent is a Big Responsibility

We know that we create our own life one step at a time, one choice at a time. It is not only the big choices like which career to pick or whom to marry which define us. But more so, the little choices like submitting our assignments on time or sharing our pocket money with someone in need that define us more. These everyday little choices define our character, who we are and how we operate. I have always been more or less carefree about my choices for my life. At the bottom of my heart, I know I have the wherewithal in me to see my choices through.

But then, I have two little kids in my home for whom I need to make choices. Some choices involve small decisions and some choices involve big decisions. Small choices involve short term aspect of life like deciding if my kid ready for potty training or whether to let him sleep in with me, setting time limit to come home after play or what diet pattern to follow. Big decisions revolve around the long term life and mainly revolve around long term health and happiness like should we continue school or homeschool, should we get the cataract surgery or let the body heal itself, which career options to guide towards or whether to keep them rooted in one place or make them see the world. These decisions are based on the parents keen observation of the child and typically take months and years of thought and planning. Once the child is old enough, parents tend to discuss options with the child and take their lead but honestly speaking the final decision is the parents decision. Till the child turns 18, we, the parents, have the responsibility to make the right decisions for the child.

Do parents really know what is right? In fact does anyone know what is right? Being right or wrong is just a fallout of how well you followed through on your choice. Our choice to homeschool was considered wrong by the society in general, for years before the Pandemic set in. But since the mid of 2020, I get regular calls from parents trying to understand how to homeschool. So was the decision to homeschool right or wrong? My son has a congenital cataract and for a few years now we have been debating whether to get his surgery done. I have walked into the doctors office twice, ready to go for surgery and then walked out without getting it done. Each time the data against surgery outweighs the data for surgery.

The good thing is that my family supports my decision and I don’t care a hoot to explain my decision to the larger society. However, in the heart of a mother, I always wonder if I am making the right choices for my children. Should I, shouldn’t I? Of course, I discuss with my spouse, my family, experts in the field, google research, etc. etc. but the final decision is mine. I can’t shrug off the responsibility of my choices any day, any time. It is a heavy burden to carry and yet at the same time, not so heavy at all. When we decided to homeschool, people asked me, “What if your child grows up and blames you for ruining their lives?” They were right. Fortunately for me, a virus proved that I had taken the right decision. But then, there are so many decisions in life where you do not get proof that you made the right choice. You just learn to live with the choice and try and make the most of it.

In the end, I just want to write this for my children.

“I have made decisions on your behalf which I thought were best for you. I know that you may or may not agree with those decisions as you grow up. I just want you to know that I made those calls keeping you first, always. Each day of my life, I work hard trying to make sure that we are moving forward in our chosen direction. “

For other parents reading this,

“Being responsible for someone else’s life is perhaps the biggest responsibility one can hold. Treat it well.”