It’s the middle of the night, and sleep as usual is the first thing on my mind, but the last thing that seems to be happening. As I am tossing in bed, wondering how long I need to wait before my mind gives in to the needs of my body, I am woken up by the sound of my phone. Buzzz! I know that’s an SMS and I am wondering who else is as crazy as I am, to be awake at this hour.
Turns out, it is a close friend just checking on how I am doing. As we start exchanging messages, the conversations get deeper and more closer to the heart. I guess, it is the hour which is having it’s effects on us. In the middle of the conversation, I think I should just call and talk, but then I am not sure if I can say things over phone, which I am so comfortable typing into the white screen of my phone. The message exchange continues for another 15 minutes before we finally manage to wish each other good night.
In bed again, my thoughts much further from sleep now than ever before, I am wondering why is it easier to express deep emotions in written format than in spoken. I remember my earliest memories of writing a letter to my mother, telling her I was “sorry” when I was too scared of telling this to her in person. I also remember telling my first “I Love you” in writing to my best friend, years ago, something that I could probably not have said in spoken words then. Till date, I find it easier to express my thoughts on a paper, or on a screen than I can in spoken words.
Is it only me, because I have been bitten by the writers bug? My hunch says, No. I have a feeling, most of us out there find writing about an emotion easier than talking about the emotion. Somehow writing creates a little distance between the speaker and the listener, and it is easier to express yourself in that distance. Or perhaps, when we write, we have an opportunity to complete our thought process, have our complete say before we are interrupted by the thoughts of the other. Or is it that when a written message is read, it is no longer coming from the person directly, but is coming from the piece of paper or the computer or the phone. The medium again creates the space for the speaker as well as the listener.
I am not sure why it happens, but I am certain it happens to quite a few of us. I am glad, therefore, that I love to write and it just shows that I will never need to hide my emotions just because I was not able to talk about them.